Sudden Death – Couch Potato

There ain’t nothin’ to do in my home town

So I grab my remote and I plant myself down

Suckin’ down cheese balls by the pound

Gonna watch TV till my brain melts down

I got no wife and I got no life

But I got my remote so I’m set for the night

Never shower so I smell like rotten eggs

Cobwebs growin’ out the side of my legs

‘Cause I haven’t gotten up in sixteen years

Missin’ a show is one of my worst fears

My father wants to know what kind of drugs I’m on

I don’t get up to eat or even go to the john

Even if I wanted to I doubt I could

Because my legs feel like they’re made of petrified wood

Here in the same place in the same slouch

My butt is fused to the cushion of the couch

Dropped out of school in the second grade

Got a ten foot screen, got a glass of lemonade

Got a jar next to me for when I have to pee

This is the way life was meant to be

There ain’t nothin’ to do in my home town

So I grab my remote and I plant myself down

Suckin’ down cheese balls by the pound

Gonna watch TV till my brain melts down

Rats and roaches run around the room

I forgot what it’s like to be in any other room

I stare at the tube and I never make a sound

‘Cause the TV set never lets me down

Talk shows, talk shows, all day long

With stuff like this, how can I go wrong?

Like cross dressin’ Nazis who live on Gummy bears

And Elvis impersonators singing in their underwear

Games, game shows all day and night

I live for shows like The Price Is Right

I’m still waitin’ to see Bob Barker cringe

When a fat woman pulls the big wheel off the hinge

Wait, what’s happening, this has to be a joke

Oh, God, no, please, my remote is broke

These are brand new batteries I can’t believe they blew

Now what the hell am I supposed to do?

There ain’t nothin’ to do in my home town

So I grab my rerote* and I plant myself down

Suckin’ down cheese balls by the pound

Gonna watch TV till my brain melts down.