Frank Zappa – Dinah-Moe Humm

I couldn’t say where she’s comin’ from,

But I just met a lady named Dinah-Moe Humm

She strolled on over, say look here, bum,

I got a forty dollar bill says you can’t make me cum

(Y’jes can’t do it)

She made a bet with her sister who’s a little bit dumb

She could prove it any time all men was scum

I don’t mind that she called me a bum,

But I knew right away she was really gonna cum

(So I got down to it)

I whipped off her bloomers’n stiffened my thumb

An’ applied rotation on her sugar plum

I poked’n stroked till my wrist got numb

But I still didn’t hear no Dinah-Moe Humm,

Dinah-Moe Humm

Dinah-Moe Humm

Dinah-Moe Humm

Where’s this Dinah-Moe

Comin’ from

I just spent three hours

An’ I ain’t got a crumb

From the Dinah-Moe, Dinah-Moe, Dinah-Moe

From the Dinah-Moe Humm

I got a spot that gets me hot

And you ain’t been to it

I got a spot that gets me hot

And you ain’t been to it

I got a spot that gets me hot

‘Cause you ain’t been to it

I got a spot that gets me hot

But you ain’t been to it

‘Cause I gotta get into it

I’ll never get out of it

An’ I gotta be out of it

To get myself into it

‘Cause I can’t get into it

Unless I get out of it

An’ I gotta be out of it

Before I get into it

(She looked over at me with a glazed eye

And some bovine perspiration on her upper lip area

And she said…)

And here’s what she said:

Just get me wasted

An’ you’re half-way there

‘Cause if my mind’s tore up,

Well, then my body don’t care

I rubbed my chinny-chin-chin

An’ said my-my-my

What sort of thing

Might this lady get high upon?

The forty dollar bill didn’t matter no more

When her sister got nekkid an’ laid on the floor

She said Dinah-Moe might win the bet

But she could use a little (OW!) if I wasn’t done yet

I told her…

Just because the sun

Want a place in the sky

No reason to assume

I wouldn’t give her a try

So I pulled on her hair

Got her legs in the air

An’ asked her if she had any cooties in there

(Whaddya mean cooties! No cooties on me!)

She was buns-up kneelin’

BUNS UP!

I was wheelin’ an’ dealin’

WHEELIN’ AN’ DEALIN’ AN OOOOH!

She surrender to the feelin’

SHE SWEETLY SURRENDERED

An’ she started in to squealin’

Dinah-Moe watched from the edge of the bed

With her lips just twitchin’ an’ her face gone red

Some drool rollin’ down

From the edge of her chin

While she spied the condition

Her sister was in

She quivered ‘n quaked

An’ clutched at herself

Her sister made a joke

About her mental health

Until Dinah-Moe finally

Did give in

But I told her

All she really needed

Was some discipline…

I said:

Kiss my aura…Dora…

That’s right!

You know why?

Because obviously it was real angora

And then I said:

Would you all like some more-a?

Right here on the flora?

An’ how ’bout you, Fauna?

Do you wanna?