Tom Lehrer – The Old Dope Peddler

You are no doubt familiar with songs about the old lamplighter and the old umbrella man and the old garbage collector and all these lovable old characters who go around spreading sweetness and light to their respective communities. But, it’s always seemed to me that there is one member of this happy band who does an equally splendid job, but who has never been properly recognized in song or story, and this is an attempt to remedy, at least in part, that deplorable situation.

When the shades of night are falling,

Comes a fellow ev’ryone knows,

It’s the old dope peddler,

Spreading joy wherever he goes.

Ev’ry evening you will find him,

Around our neighborhood.

It’s the old dope peddler

Doing well by doing good.

He gives the kids free samples,

Because he knows full well

That today’s young innocent faces

Will be tomorrow’s clientele.

Here’s a cure for all your troubles,

Here’s an end to all distress.

It’s the old dope peddler

With his powdered ha-happiness.